The usual. And E3 impressions.

Time for me to say some quick words and disappear until next year~

So without further ado, here's this year's E3 conferences in a nutshell.

 

MICROSOFT: "KINECT, CONNECT, KINECT, CONNECT, KINECT, CONNE- what did Matt and Trey just say about us?"

 

EA: "Want some generic brown shooters? Everyone loves generic brown shooters. And gamers are hardcore sports fans, right? Oh, and here's some DLC and expansions, these count as games, right?"

 

Ubisoft: "Rayman Legends, Assassin's Creed 3, Far Cry 3, Watch Dogs... hope those make you feel better about the rest of our shit."

 

Sony: "PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale is definitely NOT Super Smash Bros.. Oh, here's The Last of Us, which is pretty cool. Now if you'll excuse us, here's a bunch of movies that we're disguising as games, more PS Move, and the same God of War you've been playing for years. Did we mention that PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale is definitely NOT Super Smash Bros.?"

 

Nintendo: "Here's the Wii U... I guess we've got a bunch of ports for it... oh, we've got Pikmin 3 and New Super Mario Bros. for it! ...Yeah, all the good stuff is coming tomorrow."

 

I'm extremely disappointed in you all. All in all, Microsoft's conference was shit, Sony's was slightly less terrible, Ubisoft's was alright, and Nintendo's was alright. Hopefully they'll blow me away tomorrow with some good 3DS news. Oh, and EA's conference never happened. Period. End of story.

 

Fine, you want some in-depth opinions? Here you go.

 

Microsoft

+ Halo 4 looked alright. Reminds me of Metroid Prime, which I like.

+ Matt and Trey making fun of Microsoft was without a doubt the best part of E3 this year

? South Park game looks kinda cool

? New style of Splinter Cell gameplay looks interesting

? Resident Evil 6 looks okay, but WAY too many quicktime events.

- Usher

- EVERYTHING AND ITS DOG MUST CONNECT

- More Call of Duty

- Kinect

- SmartGlass totally isn't Wii U

- Sports everywhere, I can just turn on ESPN if I want to watch sports

 

EA

? ANOTHER Sim City...

- Generic Brown Shooter #1 (Crysis 3)

- Generic Brown Shooter #2 (Medal of Honor)

- Generic Brown Shooter #3 (Battlefield 3 expansion)

- Dead Space officially beaten to death

- Another Madden claiming to reinvent the series

- Pretending Star Wars ToR wasn't terrible and adding more crappy content

- SimCity for Facebook, in case you didn't hate people enough already

- Racing games haven't been fun since Crusin' World on the N64

- EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF MUSIC THEY USED WAS SCREAMO OR DUBSTEP

 

Ubisoft

+ WATCH DOGS *drool*

+ Rayman Legends

+ Promising Wii U support

? Assassin's Creed 3... doesn't feel like an Assassin's Creed game. At all.

? Aisha Tyler was pretty funny. Remember, we're all a little bit gay~

? Far Cry 3, I guess...

- More generic zombie survival horror

- Avengers game adaptation

- Shootmania is a joke in and of itself

- I hate you, Tobuscus.

 

Sony

+ The Last of Us has real potential

? PS1 classics coming to Vita, better have something better than FF7 lined up

? More God of War... seriously, it's getting old(er)

- No one cares about PS3-Vita connectivity. And for the record, "cross-play" is when you cosplay a character of a different gender.

- It's like they combined Kinect with storybooks

- Harry Potter spellbook for Move? There goes my respect for Rowling.

- Interactive movies are NOT games

- PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale totally isn't Smash, because Smash actually looked good.

 

Nintendo

+ Wii U still looks great

+ PIKMIN 3 WOOOO

+ New Super Mario Bros. for Wii U, instant plus

+ Luigi's Mansion 2, New Super Mario Bros. 2, and Paper Mario teased, will be shown tomorrow

+ REGGIE'S BODY WAS READY

? Apparently all the good stuff has to wait until tomorrow

- We got enough of rhythm games at the other conferences

- Ports. Ports everywhere.

- Also bad jokes. Bad jokes everywhere.