10 Worst Pokemon

10. #313 Volbeat: Firefly Pokémon
Type: Bug
Generation: III

I hate Generation III's designs (expect to hear that more than once), but I almost left this one out because it's so unremarkable. Then I noticed the resemblance it shares with Ian McNeice as Baron Harkonnen and I raged all over again. Never mind that the "Dune" miniseries was an almost five-hour snoozefest. This guy was a douche! And don't even get me started on Frank Herbert's ham-fisted characterization of him. (You mean he's a greedy, backstabbing murderer and he rapes little boys? Gasp!) As I was saying, you might think by looking at Volbeat that it's a dual-type (Bug/Electric), but no, it's just another terrible insect. So much for that glimmer of hope, you ugly tease.

9. #310 Manectric: Discharge Pokémon
Type: Electric
Generation: III

Another from the third generation. Noticing a pattern here? In case you’re missing it, I really hate Generation III's designs. And is it so hard to see why? Manectric looks like Napoleon Dynamite made a furry fan comic about the Coneheads. Numerous attempts by fans to make it look cool have failed. Even the trading card game’s art has taken multiple shots at it with no better results. If I had to guess, I'd say that's because of its big, stupid head—but I'm not an art critic. Electric-types have traditionally had great designs, but this thing encapsulates everything that can go wrong with one.

8. #206 Dunsparce: Land Snake Pokémon
Type: Normal
Generation: II

Unlike a lot of these awful things, Dunsparce has a cult following. As for how it managed that, your guess is as good as mine. Apparently, the little guy is based on a Japanese urban legend called the Tsuchinoko, which few people have ever (supposedly) seen. If only the rest of us could be so fortunate. Dunsparce is considered "rare," but I couldn't set foot in Dark Cave without getting assaulted by a horde of these useless turds. And sure, it looks stupid with its giant, ineffectual eyes and its pitiful wings that let it learn an astounding one Flying-type move (in Generation V, no less)… But really, it wouldn't be so bad if it didn't have such awful stats to boot.

7. #122 Mr. Mime: Barrier Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Generation: I

Psychic-types are awesome. You've got Alakazam, Espeon, Gardevoir… And then there's this guy. Besides being the objectively worst-designed Pokémon of its generation, Mr. Mime is, well, a mime. Apart from being comically butchered in “Penny Arcade Adventures,” what have mimes ever done for us? Chances are, you're like me and came up with nothing. You know how a lot of people complain about later generations of Pokémon having "too much stuff shoved on them"? Well, Mr. Mime is the prototypical overwrought design. The garish pink-and-white outfit, stupid kneepads and curly jester shoes compound on Mr. Mime, creating an indefensible mess. By the way, he's not always a man.

6. #149 Dragonite: Dragon Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Flying
Generation: I

I hate Dragonite so much it's unreal. I know it's really popular due to its great stats and move pool, but Dragonite was a tremendous evolutionary disappointment to my 10-year-old self. I spent hours leveling my Dragonair, wondering what its next stage would look like. I was excited. I was hyped. I couldn't wait. Finally, my Dragonair hit 55 and I was rewarded for my time and effort with… this? Are you kidding me!? Dragonite looks like Pete's Dragon's uglier cousin. Serendipity the Pink Dinosaur looks tougher than this fat idiot. When I saw Dragonite, I punched my GameBoy so hard the batteries flew out. What a waste of time.

5. #213 Shuckle: Mold Pokémon
Type: Bug/Rock
Generation: II

It seems like a creepy tentacle monster is a requisite for designing a new generation of Pokémon, dating back to the precedent Tangela established. Japan loves tentacles, so this is entirely possible. Shuckle is supposed to be mold, or a barnacle, or something. Let's review, for slower readers: It’s a cluster of moldy phalluses protruding from a porous lump of rock. If you think that sounds like revolting fetish fuel, you're right. Consider that for a second: Somebody actually thought this thing was good enough for Rule #34. There really is no accounting for taste.

4. #505 Watchog: Lookout Pokémon
Type: Normal
Generation: V

Every generation needs a Not-Rattata to fill the shoes left by the far superior (and quite adorable) original and its badass evolution, Raticate. I almost picked Bidoof for this spot, but it's just too easy a target. Watchog looks like it's supposed to be some kind of meerkat road worker or crossing guard, but the "vest" of stripes clashes just enough with the rest of its body to make looking at it an eyesore. And speaking of eyes, how much marijuana did Watchog smoke to get red-eye like that? I haven't seen a stoner that attentive since my first roommate caught a “Yo Gabba Gabba” marathon.

3. #108 Lickitung: Licking Pokémon
Type: Normal
Generation: I

Do I have to point out why this thing sucks? Lickitung is a fat, pink reptile whose sole defining feature is its gigantic tongue. That's it! I'll be among the first to say Generation I had some of the best creatures in the Pokémon franchise—but the bad ones are abominable, and Lickitung is among the worst. And yeah, I put Lickitung higher on the list than Mr. Mime. Does that make me a bit of a hypocrite? Sure, but it’s a mime, so what were you expecting? Lickitung doesn’t come with a handicap: It’s awful by its own merits. The only positive thing I can say about Lickitung is that at least it isn't as ugly as its evolution. Ridiculous as Lickilicky is, though, the artists were working from an already terrible design. Once again, Lickitung sucks on its own.

2. #569 Garbodor: Trash Heap Pokémon
Type: Poison
Generation: V

I’m not sure what I can say about this literal pile of trash. Garbodor looks like the misshapen bastard child of Domo-kun and Pippi Longstocking, as conceived by Marcel Duchamp. How did it pass whatever quality assurance test Pokémon undergo? And why am I just now asking that question? I know Poison-types and awful design choices are frequent bedfellows, but Garbodor has the important distinction of being both terrible and lazy. I can only imagine the discussion that led to its birth. "We just finished the ice cream cone. What's next?" "How about a bag of trash?" "Brilliant! And it can be Poison-type, because… get it… haha, garbage!"

1. #362 Glalie: Face Pokémon
Type: Ice
Generation: III

That break from Generation III had to end sometime, didn’t it? It seems like the artists got on a really weird floating head kick when they made Generation III, because there are a few truly bizarre ones in there and they're all atrocious. Glalie is the proud chieftain of the Idiot Floating Head Tribe. If looks are any indication, it's a terrible leader because it's prone to murderous lakeside rampages. It should be no surprise that it looks like the eponymous villain of “Jason X,” considering Glalie’s name is a portmanteau of “glacier” and “goalie.” It’s not enough that it’s worse than awful on its own. No, it also has to remind me of one of the worst mainstream films of all time.

(All artwork courtesy of series’ artist Ken Sugimori)

Aaron Kinney, NoobFeed
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