Shuttlecock-H Nintendo Switch Review

Does Nintendo allow porn on the Switch eShop and, if not, why does the store hold so many games related to hentai, the Japanese anime pornography genre? That's the question I had with Shuttlecock-H, a passive shoot 'em up that's not exactly subtle. For €7.99, you'd expect some saucy content, as these releases usually retail around two bucks, to entice people to pay for their singular interest in there: watching anime girls get banged. We don't judge your tastes here, but we will be critiquing the value of this Switch game that has the following bullet point:

"Enjoy simple, one-handed controls"

Shuttlecock-H, whose gooey white logo squirts on the screen, has a simple premise. Two thirds of the screen is dedicated to a classic shoot 'em up box of space, stars and a player-controlled ship. Rather than fighting through stages, however, this bullet hell only requires dodging obstacles, to free up that other hand. The other part of the screen is inhabited by one of three inviting anime ladies. At certain intervals, these women will have a few words to say to you, as they also shed clothes. Getting to the final challenge is enough for these gals to go all the way. More on that later.

 

The visuals aren't anything special, as they don't really need to be spectacular. However, the clip art style extends to the characters as well, which have flat, unshaded looks. As long as these nice girls put out, that's okay.

Every goal in the game is the same: Dodge projectiles and collect 30 hearts, in intervals of five. These pink dots appear randomly on the screen, but will get sucked towards the ship with the use of a limited movement boost. During this time, the screen will get filled with a range of obstacles, from guns firing bullets to long damage strips that sweep across the screen.

While that objective seems simple, because it is, the execution of it is tricky. A lot of spaces between projectiles are fairly small, requiring some level of precision. It's going to take some sweat to see the ladies in action. At face value, this tight loop is enough to warrant a purchase, but that gameplay dangles on a fine line.

Shuttlecock-H fumbles that tightrope almost immediately. Bullet hell lives and dies by nailing the details and this game has cut every possible corner. Both ship and bullet hitboxes are barely defined, making it impossible to maneuver in pinholes. You will get hit. Heck, projectiles will sometimes collide with the border, have their hitbox malfunction, leave the playing field and float over the character models. That is, admittedly, a little funny.

 

Much more annoying, still: every stage is random. While most bullets have a pattern, hearts do not appear in the same space, necessarily. On top of that, enemies don't even spawn in a consistent manner, so their pattern isn't reliable. Sometimes a gun will appear before the first heart, but a repeated attempt will see that same gun appear two hearts later. Sometimes that enemy fires twenty times, sometimes it has a few more stragglers in the chamber. It's complete chaos.

The biggest problem with the random nature is that a bad roll is essentially lost time. Hearts will only stay on screen for a limited time. If that collectible is across a fully blocked screen, it will be impossible to collect them all. In later stages, this Tartarus torment will happen constantly. While Shuttlecock-H doesn't gate progression that much, luckily, it does make completion redundant. There is, ultimately, a limit to how much can be skipped, so enough randomness will ensure that you don't get to see a drawing get naked. That's not ideal.

Later stages have laser squares that restrict where the ship can move. Granted, this is the best element in Shuttlecock-H. This boundary is a new wrinkle to gameplay that introduces a fresh challenge and keeps things interesting. Anything in the square bounces around, while that box moves across the playing field. The shakeup is pretty intense, were it not that the main obstacle here are yellow balls that slowly spawn in.

 

Given the game's inconsistency everywhere else, it's unsurprising to see the yellow obstacles hit the ship before they've spawned in all the time. The square doesn't leave a lot of free space, so it's not possible to stay out of the way either. Every first attempt of a stage runs into performance issues, so getting hit by invisible things might be expected, but it doesn't make it less frustrating. Getting hit also deletes any hearts on the screen, which might as well force a restart. Inescapable hit, retry, repeat; that's the main loop of the gameplay.

So, you've run the gauntlet and finally get to stage 7; what now? Finally, the girl rewards you by getting into a compromising position, naked, as they bounce up and down. It all led to this. Forget the part where the anime quality is barren or that the animation is minimal. The most deflating part of Shuttlecock-H is that it's censored. This statement opens up the conversation to a lot of unhinged comments, so let's clarify that.

For one, the sex looks goofy, as the character is by herself, but simulates an act that requires, at least, interaction. There isn't even a phallic object, to represent the penetrative action. These girls are just openly grinding air; it looks ridiculous. However, more so than anything else, you won't even see the full picture. Shuttlecock-H slaps a clip art bunny over the naughty bits and calls it a day. No attempt was made to alter the scene, to adhere to Nintendo standards. Just superimpose a literal Instagram sticker over the problem area and ship this puppy. Censorship is one thing, I'll even prefer the rare censored version, but this method is extremely low effort, even by hentai game standards. All of these scenes look so unbearably awkward.

 

People are willing to overlook a lot, to get to their lewd content. The gameplay doesn't need to be great, as long as it gets you there. Shuttlecock-H offers enough in that area. Well, you can get past that part, at least. Therefore, it's dizzying that the one thing this release needs to do correctly is probably the one element that received the least attention. The sex is literally the one thing that you can't mess up! That's why people are here! How is that not obvious?

Do you want to know what the grand finale is? The money shot? The screen slowly goes blank for a second and your lady of choice mumbles out a single, sedate moan. There are .gifs on Twitter that easily do better. You know where to find those.

So, why does Shuttlecock-H cost €7.99? This release packages both versions of the original. After completing all three sexy times, a separate mode is unlocked, called Covered Rematch. This section is the same gameplay again, but without any of the nudity. What a completely insane decision, to offer exactly the same thing, without the one portion that matters in a lewd game. It's not like the completion is the reward, because the randomness of this game makes that an impossible venture anyway. You're certainly not going to want to do that twice, but for less gratification.

 

Shuttlecock-H is a one-handed game, because your other hand will be busy slapping your forehead in disbelief. While functional, this release only manages the bare minimum and doesn't pay off in the one aspect it should. Now, if the game was actually a buck or so, that's a different story. There are enough hours of gameplay to justify a sale price, just for a laugh. The limp-wristed sexual acts, however, are plain unforgivable. Shuttlecock-H doesn't come near publisher eastasiasoft's other sexy games, like Waifu Uncovered or the perky Pretty Girls series. Those examples might not include full penetration, but neither does this. What a tease.
 

Daav Valentaten (@DaavPuke)
Editor-In-Chief, NoobFeed