Ask The Dalf #1

Hi there, I’m Dalf, and I thought I’d take this time to answer some of your questions, however bizarre some of them may be. Think of me as an agony aunt, game guru, cheat guide hybrid. So what are you waiting for, ask away!

What are we supposed to ask you?
Is that a trick question? How dare you deceive me with your mind games. You sir are an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by a mysterious dark cloud of intrigue and wonderment, which in turn is being suffocated in a non-branded paper bag.

How long does it take for the Dalf to answer questions?
Approximately 40320 minutes, or 672 hours if you prefer.

Have you ever made it onto the Kill Screen in Donkey Kong?
A little known factoid, the kill screen featured in Donkey Kong was the first one to ever be broadcast on live television. For those who don’t know, a kill screen is a level in a video game that cannot be completed due to an error in the games coding or design.

Personally, I haven’t seen that screen, but there are many games in which I have experienced such phenomenon, which brings me to…

Have you ever played Big Rigs?
Unfortunately I have had the displeasure of playing this piece of utter trash, on more than one occasion actually. Funnily enough it bagged me a job with Sony a few years back; I used it as an example of a game that featured horrific glitches. I went on to explain what absolute imbecile’s they must have been to miss so many glaring mistakes.

I need a release date of Starcraft II...
There hasn’t actually been an official announcement as of yet, but various sources are hinting at the latter quarter of this year. I’d go as far to predict a mid-to-late November release, just in time for Santa Claus.

What are some of your favorite iPod Touch apps, both paid and free?
There are now over 65,000 games and applications available for download now, so there’s a whole lot to choose from.

Tap Tap Revenge 2 is probably my personal favourite. It’s such a simplistic yet addictive game, possibly inspired by the success of the Guitar Hero franchise, and for free it’s incredibly refined. There are a whole host of songs to choose from, and plenty of mini-achievements to strive for.

Facebook is another obvious choice. It has many of the options the full version contains; only it’s been simplified for much easier use. It may have a few glitches, such as inconsistency issues with the chat feature in particular, but overall the amount it offers and accessibility is unrivalled.

TuneORama is great if you’re into playing guitars or bass. It’s essentially a tuner that uses your microphone to pick up sound waves and tells you whether your strings need loosening or tightening. Very handy if you’re fed-up carrying one around with you.

Midomi is another music-themed gem that many won’t be familiar with. In addition to recognizing songs for you, ala Shazam, it also allows you to type, sing, or hum part of the melody and then provides you with a list of possible matches. Great fun if you use it to partake in singing competitions; the winner is the one who gets the most accurate results.

I also like many of the basic applications, thing’s such as To-Do’s, a simple to use check list that allows you to organise your day accordingly. There’s also Sudoku, which helps pass the time when thing’s are moving slowly. Last but not least CropForFree is a handy little tool that does exactly what it states in its name, allows you to crop and save pictures you have stored.

All of the ones I’ve listed are absolutely free. Most applications now come with ‘Lite’ versions anyway, which allow you to essentially demo before you make a purchase. So I thought listing those would be pretty pointless.

Do you like Banjo Tooie?
While I haven’t played a whole lot of the N64 original, I did dabble once or twice, and from what I gathered it seemed to improve on its predecessor in quite a few areas. I fondly remember the games release; it was a time when Rare couldn’t put a foot wrong, a golden era for them and one that is still sadly be missed by many.

Guitar Hero and Rock Band have been a great success but have also been criticised by many. How realistic do you think these games are, in terms of playing like a real guitar?
Well, there are a few thing’s that Guitar Hero helps with if you’re looking to make the step up to actual guitar playing, or you’re simply comparing.

The main one is the introduction to muscle memory and to some extent finger dexterity. Muscle memory is absolutely paramount, it’s the process of knowing which fingers go where, and when each is needed, and while coloured buttons can’t directly compare to frets; it can definitely be considered mild practice.

I guess it can also help with strumming patterns, maybe not the actual strumming itself as that’s a bit more complex than a paddle will allow, but it can most definitely help with the up, down, down, up type combinations that you’re faced with when you first start out.

Do you think RE5 is racist in any way?
Nah, everything is considered racist nowadays. Its political correctness gone mad. It’s like when they changed the name of white boards in schools to wipe boards, because they felt it could offend certain students. The game is set in Africa, residents there are generally black-skinned, people need to get over it.

Where do babies come from?
Seriously, what’s wrong with you? I think this is a discussion you should be having with your parents, or depending on your age, your psychiatrist.

Wouldn't it be easier just to ask Google though?
There’s always one. Maybe, but that wouldn’t be half as fun now, would it?