When a Game Almost Brought Me to Tears

Games by OnMercury on Sep 25, 2012

I don’t cry.

No, seriously, I don’t. At all. And while I have gotten close on more than one occasion, it’s been a good seven years since the last time I cracked open a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and spent the evening sobbing my way through a Meg Ryan marathon. I’m not exactly what you’d call in touch with my feelings.

And that’s OK.

That’s part of why I’m writing this. While I don’t cry, the few times I almost did—even the really stupid ones—have stuck with me. The most recent of what we'll call the "stupid instances" happened after wrapping up the controversial Mass Effect 3 for the first time. Don’t worry; I’m not going to discuss the ending. I’ve had a lot to say about it, but that’s finished.

Nope, this is about how Mass Effect 3 almost brought me to tears.

We'll have to start with Mass Effect 2. The highly anticipated sequel to BioWare’s flawed-but-great Mass Effect took the series in a new direction, focusing more on its cast of colorful misfits (that, and a much greater emphasis on cover shooting) than the overarching narrative. Said misfits were all great, and I loved every one of ‘em. Even Jacob and Samara.

Even Jack.

I kind hated her at first. "Oh, great, a generic “badass” chick covered in tattoos. Sure do love my women bald and snarling, so they remind me as much of men as possible." I thought stuff like that. Stupid things rooted in my desire to dislike a character based on first impressions.

"I'm reasonably certain this woman feels nothing but rage."

It was unfair, looking back on it. I’ve liked almost every squad member from the series—besides the very boring Ashley and Kaidan—once they’ve had time to develop, but my reaction to Jack was immediate. She didn’t get the benefit of the doubt. She was just "annoying," or "stupid," or a "bitch." Considering how many times I’d been called those exact things, I shouldn’t have been so quick to use them.

For reasons I won’t get into (because screw you that’s personal), I did not have the best childhood. It wasn’t filled with the torrent of misery, torture and drugs that Jack lived through—nor was it as bad as millions of actual people’s lives—but suffice it to say that I became very withdrawn, bitter and often hostile. The same front Jack used throughout her life.

On some minute level, I got where she was coming from.

She was bitter and angry, sure, and she lashed out at everyone around her. But looking at her past, it’s not hard to see why. Cerberus drugged her, tortured her and trained her to kill at a very young age. After she escaped, she was used, abused and betrayed by most everyone around her—and the people who treated her well died.

Jack wasn’t a monster. She was miserable. Growing up like a caged animal, with virtually no agents of socialization, she had no concept of how to cope. Because it was as unforgiving as captivity, freedom did little to help her.

"Oh, God, don't cry! Now I feel like an ass!"

It wasn’t until the end of Jack’s loyalty mission that I allowed myself to understand any of that. Returning to Cerberus’s Pragia facility brought back the trauma she’d worked so hard to hide beneath bravado and—let’s be fair—bitchiness. When Jack returned to her old cell to place the bomb, everything came rushing back. She had a moment not of weakness, but of the strength to face her past.

If you were a male Shepard and chose the romance with Jack, she further opened up later, describing a past relationship that ended in tragedy. In spite of that, she warmed up to Shepard, against her better judgment. After all she’d been through, she finally found somebody she cared for and felt safe opening up to. It was perhaps the game’s most touching moment, and I don’t even know it many people saw it.

No, my depressing moment—because, surprise, it’s depressing rather than touching—takes place toward the end of Mass Effect 3, long after you meet Jack at Grissom Academy, where she became a teacher for gifted biotics.

Jack grew a lot in Mass Effect 3, taking on a mentor/parent role for her students. Whatever you chose, she was softer and more stable—even nurturing, in a constantly-busting-your-chops way.

"In hindsight... she's always been pretty damn cool."

There wasn’t much in the way of a Jack romance in ME3 to begin with, but it never really resolved itself. Jack and Shepard had a couple of nice moments together—especially when they danced at Purgatory—but, like many of the secondary characters, their relationship was never really explored.

To me, the saddest moment happened offscreen, after the credits rolled. Jack was paid some lip service before the final battle, but there was no sense of closure, so it was all left up to the imagination of the player. My not-so-sunny disposition didn't allow me many happy thoughts.

I pictured her sitting there, alone. Frustrated. Concerned. Waiting. Wondering where the hell Shepard could be. That’s when she gets the call: Shepard’s gone. Her worst fear came true. She’s alone again.

I imagine Jack hanging up while the person on the other end is still offering condolences. She stares out across the ruins of some unnamed city, slowly falling to her knees. She hangs her head and shakes a bit.

And that’s how Mass Effect 3 almost made me cry.

Happy thoughts, folks!