Why Kinect Will (Maybe) Never Work

Sometimes old people tend to think up the most random things, in order to create slightly coherent rants about ‘stuff’. This is one of those things, where I was thinking about the future of gaming and jumped from one thing to the next; making these strange connections. Even though it hardly affects my person and the probability of involvement is extremely low, perhaps it would be good to have an objective outsider view. Now, let’s hop to some points.

Kinect is one of the most prominent players when we think of the future of gaming. Completely controller-free immersion into the game world; you become the game! And with over 10 million units sold already, I’m sure the Microsoftians are quite pleased with the result; even though there are only a couple dozen games available and no quote/unquote ‘real’ big hitters yet. We have yet to see what the promising Child Of Eden title can bring us, which is my personal favorite; but even then we have games like Kinect Star Wars or Sesame Street in production. That’s not all too wowing.

But this isn’t about the game quality issue; to each their own on that aspect. Personally, I couldn’t even judge the overall quality without having access to a Kinect appliance. Hell, if you want the nth iteration of Dance Dance Revolution; which has basically been coming out since the NES made the Powerpad, be my guest. Or if you want a really expensive Tamagotchi experience; Kinectimals it is then. Just spare me that awful E3 presentation. But even though I love THQ and all their works, who would want to play a game called “The Biggest Loser,” really?

Hipsters ruin all your childhood dreams.

No, this is about the most prominent problem that Kinect faces; which is not buttons, as Sony might have a go with. Flipping through menus, chatting and all that auxiliary stuff you can do on Kinect looks top notch and comes off as really futuristic, like in the movies. Even dance experiences don’t require anything; it’s just dance. That’s why most of the games got at least a decent reception. But what game didn’t? When I was browsing my mind for horrible Kinect games, also despised by just about any media, one game came up instantly: Fighters Uncaged. In one of the funniest and perhaps most honest reviews I ever read from a major site, the reviewer stated, in paraphrasing: “After half an hour of this game, I can’t physically continue and I never want to see this game ever again.” That’s when you realize a game is so utterly unentertaining, that your frustration overtakes all other aspects of your experience. Neither game, nor task in general, is worth carrying out this way.

But while the game was being slammed for being an unresponsive mess, my mind drifted further than the obvious perception that a fictional character meant for professional fighting will not respond to your bumbling. You see, this and every other game Kinect will make has one basic, but very important factor that will keep it from actually feeling like the real thing. Oh yes, we are finally to the core of the problem and that bombshell is: Friction.

The only thing these two have in common is that they're both douchebags.

Even if you were to hit accurately with Fighters Uncaged or fake smash a ball in Kinect Sports or any other game, it wouldn’t ever feel real. Seeing as while your in-game persona will get a satisfying bump in, you in real life will hit a ton of air, which doesn’t offer much resistance. This lack of a real counterpart to your action will thus keep you from completely committing yourself to the virtual reality and you’ll either under-swing or flail; neither offering much satisfaction. When you hit a person or a friendlier ball or even friendlier, pet a creepy smiling animal; you want to get all your senses into it.  Since your sense of touch is never in sync with the rest,  the game will do little more than any other console or even less, since other possibilities can offer force feedback.

But dance games and all; those work perfectly, right? Yes, you are correct that those will work as well as any other game that already did that ages ago. Hell, ask your mom if she has a VHS of Jane Fonda or something and you’ll see how futuristic this is. I can understand the recent universal appeal argument, given by Satoru Iwata, but this is hardly why anyone would shell out the dough to buy the controller-free experience. And wouldn’t even your mom like that bulky, young gentleman showing those exercises to come tangibly show her how to do it? Perhaps that would be a little too futuristic still; not to mention sort of creepy.

Stop perving.

So, since this large problem from a sensory perspective will keep Kinect from truly excelling, where do we go from here? Well, my mind could only come up with a very rough solution, but it can always be used as a prototype or stepping stone towards better engineering. In the drastic measures to make sure Kinect becomes the futuristic, movie-like device we all want it to be, my draconic solution is: Electroshocks! Settle down and hear me out.

Short of wrapping yourself in one of those awkward Tron bodysuits and prancing around your living room like a social outcast, there are some precision areas we could focus on. Take for instance hands and feet; probably the most prominent sensory equipment you own. It would take very little fabric to implement some gloves that could feedback some friction upon hitting something. Just like force feedback, this would trick you into believing that you’re actually hitting something and electricity can do a serious awesome job at jerking your muscles that way.

Now, feet would be a little trickier, because wearing special socks would be kind of stupid. I opted two ways, with one being obviously better. First, there’s a low-tech form of shin guard, but modelled more like a sleeve, which could have sensory activation for just about your entire lower body. This is a bit cumbersome though, but it could be a very realistic experience. But as a more ergonomic method, a slim anklet could probably take most of the friction work, as muscles tend to bend accordingly anyway. Kind of like those convict ankle bracelets, but without the horrendously annoying giant box on the side. Never you mind how I know about those. That way, you can keep all your clothes as they were, even if I wouldn’t recommend wearing shoes anyway, if you’ll be flailing them about. Accidents do happen.

This will end as it started: in tears.

You could add a chest sensor as well, but that’s more for sensory reception than dishing out the motions, which is the vast majority of the fun. Even so, it would kill the controller-free aspect a little, but look at those accessories like your gaming outfit. You are that committed to have the fullest immersion possible, that you have an outfit for when you go to work. Many people wear specific outfits, so why shouldn’t you?

And for the people concerned about their safety and skepticism about coursing electricity through your body; there are ways to keep it safe. For one, a shock needn’t be big to halt all muscular action. Some might know of those muscular butterfly gadgets that can enhance a work-out; it's kind of like that. With some precision, such a shock will trigger a chain effect in your body that can make you feel like you’ve hit a wall; thus giving you the sensory pleasure of friction. But there’s also the alternative of using a safer jolt or jounce method, as opposed to volts. These are relatively similar to the haptic feedback used in current controller devices; but would require less space to produce, if I’m getting my physics right. In any case, there are several methods to achieve a similar effect; although they wouldn’t necessarily have the same result as an electric pulse.

Like this, but less sadistic.

As stated, these are just rough methods to build upon, but as we look into the future, we must look at ways to enhance good ideas. One of those ideas is a virtual reality setting where you become the character. But as it is hard to simulate real life in all facets, it’s also difficult to pull this off correctly. That is why friction for instance might be the downfall of Kinect’s ambition in the long run, if not addressed. Credit is due to the innovation aspect, which allows us to create new wonderful experiences, like we could see in many colorful Kinect hacks. But if Kinect wants to become more than just an EyeToy gimmick, it will need to step its game up and follow through on its innovation. Splendid games such as Child Of Eden might be enough to deadlock a success, but it never hurts to have additional plans for the full spectrum.

Now I hope my next dream will be about my full immersion within the Dead Or Alive Extreme Volleyball universe, instead of some appliance ideas.

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Daav Valentaten, NoobFeed. (@Daavpuke)