I have a personal demon...

I'm addicted to fast food and junk food.  After learning a ton of information behind this unhealthy food (books like Twinkie Deconstructed and Fast Food Nation, and documentaries like Super Size Me and Killer at Large), I found myself appauled, but not disgusted enough to turn myself away from consuming these products. 

 

No, I am not a 300 pound man.  In fact, I'm barely 165.  However, I was not always like that.  I used to weigh well over 200 pounds.  I used to work in a directory assistance call center.  For 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, I sat on my ass in a semi-comfy office chair at a cubicle looking up information on a computer.  The supervisors brought in donuts.  They brought in candy.  We had vending machines in the break room.  When I left the building for lunch, it was to Wendy's.  McDonalds.  Burger King.  Slowly, I was gaining weight.

 

In 2005, our call center was shut down.  For about six months or so, I was unemployed, and I found it much easier to just go out and grab something to eat instead of fixing something at home.  I never really did any physical activity.  I just stayed at home playing games waiting for potential call backs, stuffing my face with burgers and tacos and sub sandwiches.  I finally found a new job, but it was another call center, and the 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week sitting on a chair continued.  More vending machines.  More food brought in by co-workers.  We even had an ice cream social.

 

To make a long story short, there were corporate decisions taking place that made the job too stressful for me, and I decided to quit.  I was unemployed for a great deal of time again, and fast food was becoming a serious comfort for me.  I felt better eating a Big Mac.  My stress was alleviated for just a little bit while drinking a chocolate shake.  Eventually, though, I landed a low paying job that was a blessing in disguise.  I became a shelver for the Denver Public Library.

 

When I had to go in for my physical before I started, I was weighed in at a whopping 237 pounds.  I started off part time, only 30 hours a week, but it was a drastic change of what I was used to.  It was 30 hours of walking around the library.  It was 30 hours of lifting books.  It was 30 hours of squatting up and down and pushing and pulling heavy carts loaded with books. 

 

One night, I was laying down, watching television, when I was rubbing my chest, and I felt my ribs.  It caught me by surprise, and I guessed that all the physical activity was making lose some weight, so I went to the scale and weight myself, and to my surprise, I was just a little over 200.  Shortly after I started, I was able to move up to full time, and 30 hours of physical work a week became 40.  Now I'm down to 165 and I really couldn't feel any better.

 

But... even though I'm not gaining weight anymore, I still feel the need to kick this junk food habit.  Sure, I'm not gaining weight, but there are other factors that I'm sure are working against me, my cholesterol being one of them.  I also still have a pot belly I'd like to eventually turn into some noticeable abs, and diabetes runs in my family, so I really need to think hard about that. 

 

Still, after all that I know, of all the risks that I'm aware of, I'm still eating it.  Some days at work, I find myself fixated on going to Taco Bell and ordering 10 dollars worth of food when I get off.  Replace Taco Bell with McDonalds, McDonalds with Burger King.  Whatever.  I know that stuff is nasty... but I keep doing it.  Why?

 

You used to be able to say that it was cheap, but most combo meals can run you upwards of 6 to 7 dollars these days.  The main reason why it's become an addiction for me, as well as millions of other people is convenience.  It's fast.  It requires only that you pull up to a drive thru window.  You don't have to prepare any of the ingrediants.  You don't have to cook anything.  You just have to pull the food out of the bag, open the box or remove the wrapper and shove it in your for face.

 

It's a disgusting habit, and for the life of me.. I cannot kick it.  I'm going to try, I'm going to work on it, but it seems kinda bleak right now, because I just got down eating a jalapeno burger combo from Carl's Jr with a chocolate malt while ironically watching Fast Food Nation.  The truth doesn't scare me.  The fact is, the truth is that I just don't care enough.  THAT actually scares me.  Maybe I can cull that fear and apply it to my will power and attempt to strengthen my resolve.

 

Anyway, I know this read is a little long, and I thank anyone who actually read the whole thing.  I know it's a bit personal, but sometimes I just like getting these things off my chest.  So, thanks again for reading.