The Case of the Mysterious Princess Peach

Like all members of the gaming communities, I also have a serious suspicion on this mysterious pink dressed legally blond Princess Peach.  She actually bothers me; bothers me with the fact that she is widely suspected to fool one of my favorite childhood characters: Mario. It seems in every single episodes or games this so called damsel in distress Peach gets kidnapped by the same villain, Bowser, all the time and only Mario can save her by risking his own life. The repeated events really concern me that there is something fishy about this issue. So me, Detective Koshai has stepped in to investigate more into the matter. After long hours of Mario gaming and further long hours researching on the Internet, I finally gathered some insightful information that might help me summarize Princess’s motives.

 

Event 1

 

In the first Super Mario game, our beloved Mario has been asked to go to World 1 Castle to save Princess Peach, from the evil Bowser. Thing is that the Princess was not even there in the castle and he was asked to World 2. This went on and on until World 8 where the Princess was actually in the Bowser Castle. What about Mario? He had to endure 8 Worlds of torturous before finally meeting Bowser at World 8. It seems that all the plans to make Mario risk his life to travel 8 worlds and might reach his doom had failed. After Bowser got defeated, Mario finally met the Princess who was surprisingly not tied up but was standing while watching the whole scenario. It seems she wanted to watch Mario die. In Lost Levels, Bowser also kidnaps the Princess again. This time the platforms were even harder for Mario.

 

Event 2

 

In the third Super Mario game, Princess Peach asked Mario to rescue the seven Toadstool kings, who were being kidnapped by the Bowser children. Bowser children? Where did they come from? By the way where is Bowser’s wife? I will come to that issue later. So Mario rescue the seven kings and Mario’s mission was successful. Guess what happened next? Princess Peach captured “herself” to Bowser thus making Mario to take extra risks to save her again. Maybe sending Mario to a dangerous mission was her plan and capturing herself was her back up plan.

 

Event 3

 

In the Super Mario World, Bowser again kidnaps Peach during the picnic and this time Mario had to endure even longer path. When Mario finally met and defeated Bowser on a flying machine, the Princess gets out from that flying machine. What bothers me is that why was she hiding inside the flying machine. She could have just jumped out and come to Mario straight away. What was she doing in the flying machine? How come there are Koopa kids coming out from that flying machine? Confusion, confusion!!!!

 

 

Other events (Uncountable) and an interesting point

 

Same scenario happened again and again in Mario 64, Super Mario RPG, Super Mario Sunshine, Super Paper Mario, Super Mario DS, Super Mario Wii and in the two Super Mario Galaxies. Who knows how many times this Princess will be kidnapped. It seem that Mario is too good for the several traps made by this Peach. There are some scenes where there were attempted murders from Bowser. In Super Mario RPG, the chandelier, in which Mario was standing, was broken by Bowser in attempt to kill him. In Paper Mario, Bowser throws Mario out of a flying castle. It seems that both Princess and Bowser became a lot desperate than before to kill Mario for good.

 

Peach’s aggressive quality

 

It’s not wise to think Princess Peach as good for nothing damsel in distress. She is athletic, and even she can drive Karts and she even has her own personal motorbike. Not to mention she even joined Super Smash Bros. Melee tournament along with Mario and Bowser and she even had her own sets of moves. She had capability to kill anyone. So my question lies here, if she has all the above qualities, so why can’t she fight her way to get out from the castle, why wait for Mario and only Mario? Why Bowser was there in SSBM? Was it another attempt to kill Mario?

 

Relationship between Peach and Bowser and serious evidence

 

If I consider all the events, it seems that Bowser is involved in all the kidnappings. Maybe there is a serious relationship going on between Bowser and Peach, because Peach gets kidnapped by Bowser always (even she intentionally did that in SMB3). So I come back to Bowser kids issue. Where did they come from? If I start thinking perversely, was Peach involved. Was Peach having intimacy with Bowser? I was watching a video from Screwattack and they showed me something unbelievable. One of the Koopa kids said to Mario to leave Mama Peach alone. So the Koopa kids started to call Peach Mama. So did Peach really give birth to these kids. So the kids coming out from the flying machine where Princess was hiding, Bowser was there, kids were coming out…………OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Why, why, why???

 

Was it because Peach fall in love with Bowser? Was she became love blind and was blindly following Bowser? Was she trying to get rid of Mario because she got messed up into a love triangle? Was it because Bowser was manly enough and strong enough to protect her?  Was Bowser making Peach get rid of Mario so he could be the future ruler of Mushroom Kingdom by marrying Princess Peach? Or was Peach intentionally doing that just to be the Queen of Mushroom Kingdom faster? Or was Peach only playing around with relationship game? Whatever it is my favorite childhood hero is getting hurt really bad. Love hurts.

 

Past history and character

 

Before Bowser even showed up, the Princess was kidnapped by Donkey Kong and it was Mario who saved her. It is her nature to get herself kidnapped by anyone she likes? Not to mention Donkey Kong is pretty manly, only to be beaten by Bowser.  I wont want to think about this anymore. What concludes me now that she is a bloody unfaithful character and Mario should avoid her.